


Empty

by This_killed_me_126_times



Category: Throne of Glass Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Emptiness, F/M, Struggling with civilian life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-17 17:26:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28852776
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/This_killed_me_126_times/pseuds/This_killed_me_126_times
Summary: Aelin is struggling with living in peace times; Rowan helps and comforts her.
Relationships: Aelin Ashryver Galathynius | Celaena Sardothien & Rowan Whitethorn
Kudos: 24





	Empty

There was no more fighting now. No more war and no more death. The fields lay peacefully around, instead of being drenched in blood. Aelin knew that she should be grateful, and she really, truly, was. She’d fought to be able to savour every moment of quiet with Rowan, and she marvelled at the days that weren’t filled with war planning and impossible decisions. People had died for this world. She put a hand over her heart, where the Terrasen knot, now with Gavriel’s name, was inked onto her skin. Now, she had to rebuild it in their honour. But despite everything, she couldn’t help a gnawing feeling of emptiness.

She woke up, shifting onto her side to look over at Rowan, who was sleeping peacefully next to her. She stuck her tongue out at him, before slipping out of bed as silently as she could. Pulling on her dressing robe, she padded out of the door, shutting it quietly behind her, so she didn’t wake him or Fleetfoot, who was curled up in front of the fireplace.  
She made her way through the castle, which felt much bigger and rather empty now that all of her friends had gone away to start their new lives, and she found herself outside the armoury. The armour and weapons had only been idle for a few weeks, but already there was a layer of dust coating them. Aelin knew that the only weapons in an acceptable condition were the ones that she and Rowan trained with, but those were usually just dumped by the side of the training ring. Everything else that she had used almost daily for the past couple of years had been reduced to this state.  
She ran her finger down the row of chest plates, leaving a gleaming trail behind her. Every time she caught sight of a new piece of weaponry, the memories of the war and the danger came back. Eventually, she came to Goldryn, which seemed to glow of its own accord, despite the dust covering it, gently laid with the rest of her golden armour. She lifted it up, and felt its familiar weight in her hands, before sitting down on the stone floor with a thump. It didn’t seem right to let Goldryn lie here gathering dust, not after everything it had done for her and the kingdom.  
But, ever since Arobynn had found her on that river bank, a small, scared, child of eight, she’d been honed into a weapon of war. That was all she’d known, for years. Death and harsh consequences. She’d learnt that the world was unfair, so she should take what she could and give nothing back. That had been the mantra that she had to live by to survive. All but her very earliest memories were of some form of warfare and she was finding it hard to let go of it. Harder than she should, she thought.  
Absentmindedly, she picked up a whetstone and began running it down the length of the blade, dust flying into the air around her. The sound was comforting and seemed to quiet the gnawing in her stomach, until she could almost pretend that it wasn’t there.

She didn’t know how long she’d been sitting there, sharpening Goldryn; it could have been hours or mere minutes. Her sharp Fae ears heard the armoury door quietly open and shut. Looking up, she saw Rowan standing in the doorway.  
“What are you doing here, Fireheart?” he asked, coming to sit down beside her.  
“I’m just sharpening Goldryn.” She replied, feeling reluctant to meet his gaze, although she wasn’t quite sure why.  
“But why? You have no need of it at the moment.”  
Aelin tried to summon a hint of her infamous swagger, or at least make a witty retort, but she just couldn’t, and, to her surprise, she felt tears slipping down her face. Rowan pulled her into his arms, making sure Goldryn was safely out of the way, and stroked her hair.  
It took a while, but they sat in silence until Aelin’s sobs had quietened, and she sat up straight again, dragging her hand roughly across her face to wipe the tears away.  
“Tell me what’s wrong, and I will go to the ends of the earth to make it right,” Rowan said, keeping one arm wrapped around her.  
Aelin gave a slightly watery smile and rolled her eyes, “so dramatic.”  
“Tell me.”  
She sighed, “I don’t know, I feel like there’s something missing and it’s making me on edge. For more than ten years of my life, it’s been full of war and bloodshed, and now, when everything is peaceful and I can finally rest, I feel,” she paused, searching for the right word, “empty. But I have everything that I’ve been wanting and dreaming of, so I know I shouldn’t feel this way. I don’t want to be plunged back into the middle of a war, but it’s the only way I know how to live.”  
Rowan was quiet for a moment, silently comforting her, and then he said, “when I was living in the mountains with Lyria, I had everything. A beautiful home, a wonderful girl, who I thought was my mate, yet I still left her to go to war. I was searching for glory, yes, and hoping for validation from Maeve, but I also didn’t know how to live a civilian life, and Lyria couldn’t help me with what I was going though.”  
Aelin smiled with a little more conviction, “is there a point to that little trip down memory lane?” she asked, jabbing him playfully in the side.  
Rowan chuckled, flinching away from her slightly, “all I wanted to say, is that I know that feeling, and it does get easier, I promise. Besides, I don’t think your people would be too thrilled if you plunged them into the middle of yet another war because you were bored. The words ‘fire-breathing bitch queen’ come to mind.”  
“Buzzard. And it’s not like I want war, I just can’t seem to deal with peace very well right now. I need to find a new purpose.”  
“Is rebuilding a kingdom not enough for you?”  
“I think it’s a good place to start.”  
Rowan stood up and held out his hand to help Aelin up, saying, “and I’m sure when there’s been no war for a hundred years, you’ll have forgotten how to even hold a sword, let alone be able to fight with it.”  
Aelin raised an eyebrow at him, “I can thrash you in the training ring now, and, in a hundred years, regardless of how many wars we’ve been through, I’ll still thrash you.”  
“Oh really?”  
Aelin nodded and started walking out of the armoury, “and if you don’t believe me, I’ll happily prove it to you.”  
Rowan went after her, smiling, “I think you’d better.”  
They walked down the hall towards the training rooms hand in hand, and, although she could still feel an empty space that she wasn’t sure how to fill, Aelin felt lighter than she had done in weeks, as if a weight had been taken off of her shoulders. Of course, she’d feel even better once she’d well and truly beaten Rowan at combat.


End file.
